Friday, June 26, 2015

One in the morning

 

She was hard to understand.
Ben had pulled my blanket
Away.  I got up and saw
Her eyes were open.
I thought she wanted
Water so I got her some
But she kept on

Asking then I heard    
There was water
On her chest.  I looked
And saw the blood,
Her old wounds bleeding.
I bandaged them but
Her blood seeped through.

I bandaged the bandages
And put an old shirt
Over them all.  Puzzled, she
Looked at the blood on her
Hands.  “Try not to scratch
Yourself again.”  She nodded
And I covered her up once more.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

The Past

 

In the past she would have
Made some comment as I came
In as I did just now from the yard
Having raked but a few leaves and
Edged but a tiny bit.  I was
Ready with my defense,
It was too hot it

Was all I could do.
Her eyes were closed.
Her lips moved slowly.
Softly humming
Moaning sounds,
Sweetly I would
Have said had I heard

Them years ago if she dreamt
Of some of the joy of those days.
Her eyes would have sparkled
Open and she would have
Smiled as she saw my wonderment.
Today she would call it
Worry, but she lies sleeping.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

A Clean Well Lighted Place and suicide

From Hemingway's short store, "A Clean Well lighted place":
"He's drunk now," he said.
"He's drunk every night."
"What did he want to kill himself for?"
"How should I know."
"How did he do it?"
"He hung himself with a rope."
"Who cut him down?"
"His niece."
"Why did they do it?"
"Fear for his soul."
"How much money has he got?" "He's got plenty."
"He must be eighty years old."
"Anyway I should say he was eighty."
"I wish he would go home. I never get to bed before three o'clock.  What kind of hour is that to go to bed?"
"He stays up because he likes it."
"He's lonely. I'm not lonely. I have a wife waiting in bed for me."
"He had a wife once too."
"A wife would be no good to him now."
"You can't tell. He might be better with a wife."
"His niece looks after him. You said she cut him down."
"I know." "I wouldn't want to be that old. An old man is a nasty thing."
"Not always. This old man is clean. He drinks without spilling.  Even now, drunk. Look at him."
"I don't want to look at him. I wish he would go home. He has no regard for those who must work."
. . .
"Another," said the old man.
"No. Finished." The waiter wiped the edge of the table with a towel and shook his head.
The old man stood up, slowly counted the saucers, took a leather coin purse from his pocket and paid for the drinks, leaving half a peseta tip. The waiter watched him go down the street, a very old man walking unsteadily but with dignity."


Comment:
I'm now sitting at a table about the size of a table I set at near the El Mirador hospital in Palm Springs.  It was in a Starbucks, sort of.  That is, the Starbucks was actually inside the lobby of the hospital -- a very nice setup for those waiting for someone or for a ride.  I sat there for perhaps an hour reading a book, waiting for a doctor to be done conducting some procedure on Susan.  I had no thoughts of suicide -- still don't.  If (I still have difficulty thinking "when") I lose Susan, I may check out the Starbucks near me.  I won't use the drive-thru but will go inside and see if it will be a clean well-lighted place, good enough to sit and drink coffee for an hour our two.

 
Years ago when I was going to college and paying my way, largely, by working for the Teamsters, someone told me the story of a fellow who retired, had someone take him to an inlet of the Pacific Ocean every day.  He had a lunch pail and a fishing pole.  He cast his line out and then opened his pail and took out a bottle.  By the end of the day he was drunk, and someone came to get him.  Day after day it was the same until he died.   I never heard how old the man was.   Sounds like he could have been an existentialist.

Hemingway's old man was deaf.  I'd rather be deaf than lose clarity of mind as Susan has.  I discussed with Susan the idea of reneging slightly on her plug-pulling plans.  She could get kidney dialysis.  I'd be happy to take her for that.  She'd gain clarity of mind, but she stuck with her original plan to give it all up.  She has gone on for years getting weaker and sicker.  She's tired and wants there to be an end.  Not just that, she has an extremely high degree of faith and experiences no doubts about "being with the Lord after death."  So it isn't like the old man hanging himself in a Hemingway notion of existential despair.  Susan has been responsible -- more than responsible.  She has done everything the doctors asked and prescribed so that she could have a new liver and live a long time, but when they said they couldn't operate and that beyond that their tests had given her kidney failure, she decided she had done enough.  A person desperate to live as long as possible might opt for kidney dialysis, but she isn't desperate.  She is a physical wreck.  Whether she could even endure the being lifted into a wheel chair, taken to a dialysis place, waiting in a wheel chair, enduring the process, put back in a wheel chair and driven home is doubtful.   She's content to wait here in the hospital bed the hospice people provided, have me feed her as much as she can manage, and wait. 

 
As for me, I don't drink and so won't experience any alcohol-induced despair.  I do read biographies of poets, which is depressing enough.    Auden, in the one I'm reading now, made it to age 67.  He died in Vienna.  A Syrian doctor reported Auden saying "'My mind still seems to function, thank God, as it should, but my body gets tired very easily.  His diagnosis -- a weak heart, whatever that means.'  Shortly afterwards, at the close of summer, he wrote three lines that may constitute his last poem:

    He still loves life
    But O O O O how he wishes
    The Good Lord would take him."


". . . Some friends and acquaintances in New York and Oxford, who knew how miserable Auden had been, speculated whether he had killed himself either deliberately or incidentally with alcohol and pills. . . A limited autopsy was performed and indicated that he had died of heart failure.  There is no evidence of a fatal overdose, intentional or otherwise; and perhaps the speculation arose because Auden in his last years often volunteered the remark that he had never contemplated suicide, with an insistence which made some of his friends doubtful."

I skipped ahead in Richard Davenport-Hines' biography of Auden to see how Auden died.  I didn't read enough to have the entire event in context, but from what I read Auden was taking "pills" and also, like the old man in Hemingway's short story, drinking.  Lots of people slip away under those circumstances. 


I wonder, if Auden's mind was not functioning well, whether he would have rationalized his way to suicide?  Perhaps not if he was as religious at the end as his three-line poem suggests.  Susan is that religious.  I think I'm okay as well, but maybe I don't need to worry about that for awhile -- plenty of time, most likely, to find a clean well-lighted place of my own.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

On not raging against the dying of the light

 

Dylan Thomas wrote the poem “Do not go gentle into that good night,” but it is worth noting that he wasn’t writing about himself.  He planned to go into that good night as quickly as possible and managed it at age 39.  He was writing about his father who died at age 75 or 76. 

I was interested in Thomas when I as back in my 20s and 30s.  Raging at the dying of the light seemed the sensible thing to do.  We back then had a lot of rage, but did poor old David John Thomas (1876–1952) when he was in his mid-70s rage as his son Dylan suggested?  I read some biographies of Dylan years ago but can’t remember how his father died.  I recall quite well how Dylan died.  He literally drank himself to death.  Does one do that in a fit of rage or is self-indulgence more to blame?

Dylan in his poem urging his father to resist death, presumably because he loved his father, didn’t want to lose him, and wanted him to hang onto life as long as possible.  He didn’t say in his poem “do it for me, dad,” but that is implied by what we know.  But how unreasonable and inconsistent is it to on the one hand urge his father to resist death for the sake of his son, while he personally drank himself to death?

Perhaps he didn’t intend to drink himself to death.  As someone who did some heavy drinking in his youth, gave it up, and is now a fairly-healthy 80, I’m not the best judge of someone who couldn’t give it up, but I judge him nonetheless, especially now that Susan has decided not to rage against the dying of the light.

Years ago Susan lost a lot of blood and was close to death.  I literally carried her to the ER at Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach.  I recall her telling me on a gurney that she was looking forward to being with the Lord.  I was mad at her.  I didn’t want her to do that.  I wanted her to stay with me.   Later after a transfusion I told her my feelings and she never said that again until recently.  Back then she had not yet turned 40, Dylan Thomas’ age, but now she has turned 70, very near the age of Dylan Thomas’ father when he died.  Back then I wanted her to rage at any dying of the light, but now when she is 70 and I am ten years older, and I have changed my mind.  I was admittedly selfish back then, but now I want what is best for her, and while I’ve played a potential struggle in my mind where I exercise some anti-dying rage, it always involves a lot more pain for her and surely at some point a person as old as Susan or Dylan Thomas’s father has suffered enough. 

I recall my own father, someone who did indeed rage against the dying of the light and managed to live until age 78.  He like Dylan was a heavy drinker and drank almost his entire life.  He was much healthier to start with and so didn’t die early.  After I got back from Korea, having learned to drink, I spent a lot of time with him.  He was in good shape and wanted me to pretend I was his brother and not his son, for the sake of some lady or ladies he was interested in.  He was about 5' 11" and 185 pounds and in very good shape, but when he was close to the end and had raged as much as possible, he was below 100 pounds and told his wife of that time that he couldn’t struggle on any longer. 

Susan when I saw her on Monday retained all her dignity.  She didn’t rage and wasn’t bowed down.  She knew as I had to admit that if she were to rage, something very much not in her nature, she would be bowed down which in her case would resemble severe dementia.  Thanks to modern science she was given, temporarily, a clear enough mind to think about the future.  There was no hope of a liver or kidney transplant.  There was no hope of eliminating the duodenal blockage.  A whole team of specialists on the Loma Linda transplant team had determined those things.  Susan’s choice wasn’t between having these transplants and not having them, it was between going to some half-way house, returning to less and less clarity of mind, severer and severer dementia and the indignity of being cared for in the most weakened of conditions or letting them disconnect the artificial aids at Loma Linda, letting her retain her clarity of mind and some dignity, letting her say good bye to family and friends and know that she was doing that. 

I know no one with a stronger faith than Susan.  She isn’t worried about what will happen to her after death.  She knows she will be with the Lord.   The chaplain who came to pray with her on Monday was surprised.  Most Christians he said had faith but still had doubts, but he soon realized she didn’t have any.  She was more a blessing to him than he was to her, but she said she like him and hoped he would come back and pray with her again.  She didn’t need him to bolster her faith.  She liked him and would welcome him back.  She was not raging at the dying of the light, she was blessing those around her even as the light died.

Monday, June 15, 2015

The dream

 

She is in the process
Of leaving, having packed
The little she needs,
Lying now beneath the weeds
Of wires and cables
Counting off the miles
And moments passing.

She’s rather be
With the Lord she said
But not than me,
Than the incessant
Importunity and probing
She endures, listening
To the beep, beep, beep

Of a pulled-loose
Connection, dreaming
A dilaudid day
When she could
Run and play,
Climb as high as anyone,
Love me once again.

Exile

 

I’m exiled from her
Or her from me these
Weeks deprived as she is
Of clear mind and I
Of the sight of her smile.
Trash is even now pulled
Out in barrels and dogs bark

At those sharp alarms.
Later someone may howl
Something more profound
Of loss and separation.
Is there a restoration,
Something like dawn
Breaking above the darkness,

Or will the longing
Wail across the foothills
Meld with coyotes questions,
Calls and answers
From a moonless night
When we won’t see
Each other once again?

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Fidelity



    Fidelity ended at midnight
    For Auden, not for me; yet
    Credit is not due;
    I chose one who like a fine
    Painting could be seen again
    And again with pleasure.
    Even now in miniature

    She is still the same,
    Or if different
    Not utterly hiding
    Her angelic past.
    She isn’t any
    Particular way
    And I marvel

    At what she is
    Even now in her
    Condition of mind the
    Symbols and metaphors
    Leap. My mind races
    Alongside her
    Astonishing smile.