Dissonance

 

Between choosing to
Satisfy rules or being
Gentle with Susan I
Chose the latter, but I’ve
Always done that, leaving
The Corps as much because
Of rules as a desire for

Something more: not wanting
To rake gravel or risk penalties
For other absurdities. Later in
Engineering I was praised
For doing the work but
Criticized for ignoring
Rules.  Susan dragged

Her wobbly feet following as
Best she could the words they used.
They experimented and taxed
Her in accordance with them.
I lay by her bed all night while
She sang. I was impeded
By my dissonant thoughts.

I slept on the floor feeling
The goodness leaving,
Feeling the emptiness drawing
Close, not yet feeling the utter
Loss.  I felt her song wash over
Me and fade, all the while I
Remained myself, unable to sing.

The sky is a persistent gray
And I’m awash in it.  Unable
To spare the time for headaches
These past few months I’ve plenty
Of time for them now.  This doesn’t
Seem like mourning, rather a
Rejection of the world as I see it now.